Dear recent Orlando transplant:

Ok, so you just moved to Orlando from New York / Philly / Chicago / San Francisco / et al. You feel lost, uprooted, misplaced -- you're starting to think Orlando might suck. Eager to find some nightlife in this town, you go to Lattitudes on Church Street, Slingapour's on Wall Street and that mega-club on Orange Avenue owned by one of those Backstreet Boys (Orlando's finest celebrities). Maybe you even think International Drive, Citywalk or Downtown Disney is where everyone hangs out in this town. Now you really think Orlando sucks.

Well, you're wrong. There is more to this city than theme park "nightlife" and crappy clubs with guys wearing shiny shirts, but you have to know where to look. Instead of complaining about how lame Orlando is compared to your city of origin, why not get out there and support your new scene -- it's a lot better than you think! After all, you moved here for a reason, right? (I'm guessing to escape the cold weather.) So you can do one of two things: either 1) move back to the city you think is sooooo much more awesome or 2) quit bitchin', check the events below and DON'T SLEEP on the shit that is happening!

Friday, May 23, 2008

A three-day weekend on my mind

Of course, you know about The Worst Music Party® by now, so I will only briefly say that it is THE BEST thing going on in Orlando tonight!!!! And this post is mostly for other weekend events, so let's get on with it.


Kick your Saturday night off in the Winter Park Village at the quaint little robot toy store slash comic book shop, Überbot. Apparently the store is in danger of closing and needs your support to continue thriving. How can you help? Visit the store between 7 and 11 PM for their fund raiser and art show -- local artists include Phil Noto, Terribly Odd, Erik Jones and others. All sales will benefit the store so get off your ass and help support our local businesses!!!



The world's most recognizable DJ, Tommie Sunshine, will be playing Saturday night at Firestone. Also on the bill is the man rarely photographed without a hat, Junkie XL. These super-mega tours are getting confusing: first MSTRKRFT paired up with John Digweed and now this. Picture this scene: a boardroom meeting full of stuffed shirts sitting around a conference table, intensely discussing how to make a larger profit from the "rave scene." A young go-getter named Mark jumps up and exclaims: "By, George, I've got it! We can match two DJs/Producers with completely opposite music taste, force them to go on tour together, and thereby doubling our potential audience! Plus we can charge twice as much to see them both!!!" Well, Mark got promoted, makes way more money than me, and made me want to see the show much less. Thanks, Mark! I can't wait for the Boys Noize and Tiesto tour next year!!!



Hailing from the deep depths of Austin, Texas is heavy metal band, The Sword, who will be unleashing their wrath and fury upon The Social on Saturday night. They may look more like writers than rockers, but everyone knows the die-hard metal people are super nerds! Trust me, I just saw Ace Frehley last weekend. Yes, I am a nerd too.



What better way to enjoy your long weekend then by getting drunk and biking around Orlando? Yep, it's time for another world famous Beer Bomb Bike Tour! You know the drill -- meet on Sunday at Mills Market around 6:00 PM, have some beer, bike to some bars (hopefully not Wally's, yikes!), lather, rinse, repeat.

Ok kids, be safe, have fun, say no to drugs, don't do anything I wouldn't do, etc. etc.

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