Dear recent Orlando transplant:

Ok, so you just moved to Orlando from New York / Philly / Chicago / San Francisco / et al. You feel lost, uprooted, misplaced -- you're starting to think Orlando might suck. Eager to find some nightlife in this town, you go to Lattitudes on Church Street, Slingapour's on Wall Street and that mega-club on Orange Avenue owned by one of those Backstreet Boys (Orlando's finest celebrities). Maybe you even think International Drive, Citywalk or Downtown Disney is where everyone hangs out in this town. Now you really think Orlando sucks.

Well, you're wrong. There is more to this city than theme park "nightlife" and crappy clubs with guys wearing shiny shirts, but you have to know where to look. Instead of complaining about how lame Orlando is compared to your city of origin, why not get out there and support your new scene -- it's a lot better than you think! After all, you moved here for a reason, right? (I'm guessing to escape the cold weather.) So you can do one of two things: either 1) move back to the city you think is sooooo much more awesome or 2) quit bitchin', check the events below and DON'T SLEEP on the shit that is happening!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Tonight: Phat 'N Jazzy with BMF and Q-Burns Abstract Message

What happens when two of Orlando's best DJs team up to create a new brainchild? The answer lies within tonight's episode of Phat-N-Jazzy. Here's some background info:

"From beyond the stars comes the mysterious John Bigbooty, an interstellar super-group prone to dusty vacuum tube beats and distorted hyper-melodies blasted out of hi-fidelity megaphone speakers. Delicious breakbeat buffoonery mingles with hip-hop sample catching in four outrageous studio productions bound to start a dancefloor pogo riot.

John Bigbooty is rumored to be a one-off collaboration between Eighth Dimension stalwarts Q-Burns Abstract Message and DJ BMF arising from a presumed-forgotten session of beer drinking and beat making. It's been unearthed and repackaged for widespread release and is a sure-fire winner for fans of labels like Wall Of Sound, NinjaTune, and Bastard Jazz. Lap it up."



I have to be honest: I'm a fan of both of these DJs but the name John Bigbooty is terrible. I'm not sure why, but it reminds me of a two-person horse costume.



Still, all things aside, the music should be pretty dope. In addition, tonight is also advertised as "Swamburger's Expo Tees" but I'm not really sure what that means. I'm guessing there will be t-shirts to buy. The B-Side Artists will be doing their thing, and Maria Diestro, the driving force behind local house promoters Hoochie Productions, will be celebrating her birthday.