Dear recent Orlando transplant:

Ok, so you just moved to Orlando from New York / Philly / Chicago / San Francisco / et al. You feel lost, uprooted, misplaced -- you're starting to think Orlando might suck. Eager to find some nightlife in this town, you go to Lattitudes on Church Street, Slingapour's on Wall Street and that mega-club on Orange Avenue owned by one of those Backstreet Boys (Orlando's finest celebrities). Maybe you even think International Drive, Citywalk or Downtown Disney is where everyone hangs out in this town. Now you really think Orlando sucks.

Well, you're wrong. There is more to this city than theme park "nightlife" and crappy clubs with guys wearing shiny shirts, but you have to know where to look. Instead of complaining about how lame Orlando is compared to your city of origin, why not get out there and support your new scene -- it's a lot better than you think! After all, you moved here for a reason, right? (I'm guessing to escape the cold weather.) So you can do one of two things: either 1) move back to the city you think is sooooo much more awesome or 2) quit bitchin', check the events below and DON'T SLEEP on the shit that is happening!

Friday, May 30, 2008

Working for the Weekend

Ok, so I've been slacking. Well, technically, I've been too busy to breathe, forcing me to put my beloved event blog on the back burner. I missed the chance to call Steve "DJ to the Stars" Aoki an Asian jumping bean! I missed the chance to talk about the last-Thursday-of-the-month debauchery that is Velvet Sessions at the Hard Rock Hotel, where $25 bucks will get you free drinks AND a slightly washed-up (although completely awesome) rock star. I even missed a prime opportunity to make fun of Bret Michaels!!! Naw, I'm still going to post that one:

And the best glam rock cover of all time? Look What The Cat Dragged In!!!

Now, on to the weekend.

Tonight the legendary Eddie -- errrr --- Charlie Murphy will be performing at Hard Rock Live. I wonder if anyone has ever told him that he looks like his brother??? Naw. I also wonder if anyone would know him if it weren't for the long-lost Chapelle Show.

And now for a shameless self plug: I'll be DJing with Cub Saturday night at RV's Studio. That's the same warehouse space used for the Pintura Grafitti Conference a few weeks ago, in case you weren't sure (I wasn't). We'll be doing the funk/soul/disco thing if you're down. It's an early gig -- 6 to 10 PM and here's the flyer:

And, as much as I like to be an Orlando cheerleader, I have to admit sometimes there ain't shit going on. Nothing I care about, anyway.

It's these desperate times when we are forced to take road trips and I would suggest partying down with the St. Pete kids over at the Vitale Studio. They're having an art show dedicated to the baddest gang in Coney Island: The Warriors. A few Orlando artists will be showing -- Dolla, Andrew Spear, Johannah O'Donnell, Adriaan Mol, Terribly Odd, Horsebites -- among St. Pete's finest: Bask, John Vitale, Joey Vitale and a ton more. Click the (semi-unreadable) flyer for all the info.

And a St. Pete Saturday night wouldn't be the same without visiting The Lobby for some DJ Mega action. Oh burrrrrrg!

Back in Orlando, Sunday night brings the return of Rockstar Bowling to the infamous Colonial Lanes. What exactly is Rockstar Bowling, you ask? Imagine all the bartenders in town getting together every other week for three games of bowling and booze. It's basically their "Saturday" night throwdown and things can get pretty messy (in a good way). Not for the faint of heart or those who can't handle Monday morning hangovers.

Don't feel like bowling? Just show up to drink at their super dope retro bar and watch Hearst from Sky60 intimidate the other teams.

Have a nice weekend, kids!

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Feel Fantabulous

Since my day job has me trapped in post-holiday despair, here is the dealio about tonight via a Myspace bulletin from Phat-N-Jazzy.


tomorrow at phat and jazzy is a great line up...
beef wellington, divinci, swamburger, alex, bmf, and adeem of glue... will all be sharing the same stage at the same time... WOW

along with the bside artists blessing up the atmosphere.




divinci press photo

Friday, May 23, 2008

A three-day weekend on my mind

Of course, you know about The Worst Music Party® by now, so I will only briefly say that it is THE BEST thing going on in Orlando tonight!!!! And this post is mostly for other weekend events, so let's get on with it.

Kick your Saturday night off in the Winter Park Village at the quaint little robot toy store slash comic book shop, Überbot. Apparently the store is in danger of closing and needs your support to continue thriving. How can you help? Visit the store between 7 and 11 PM for their fund raiser and art show -- local artists include Phil Noto, Terribly Odd, Erik Jones and others. All sales will benefit the store so get off your ass and help support our local businesses!!!

The world's most recognizable DJ, Tommie Sunshine, will be playing Saturday night at Firestone. Also on the bill is the man rarely photographed without a hat, Junkie XL. These super-mega tours are getting confusing: first MSTRKRFT paired up with John Digweed and now this. Picture this scene: a boardroom meeting full of stuffed shirts sitting around a conference table, intensely discussing how to make a larger profit from the "rave scene." A young go-getter named Mark jumps up and exclaims: "By, George, I've got it! We can match two DJs/Producers with completely opposite music taste, force them to go on tour together, and thereby doubling our potential audience! Plus we can charge twice as much to see them both!!!" Well, Mark got promoted, makes way more money than me, and made me want to see the show much less. Thanks, Mark! I can't wait for the Boys Noize and Tiesto tour next year!!!

Hailing from the deep depths of Austin, Texas is heavy metal band, The Sword, who will be unleashing their wrath and fury upon The Social on Saturday night. They may look more like writers than rockers, but everyone knows the die-hard metal people are super nerds! Trust me, I just saw Ace Frehley last weekend. Yes, I am a nerd too.

What better way to enjoy your long weekend then by getting drunk and biking around Orlando? Yep, it's time for another world famous Beer Bomb Bike Tour! You know the drill -- meet on Sunday at Mills Market around 6:00 PM, have some beer, bike to some bars (hopefully not Wally's, yikes!), lather, rinse, repeat.

Ok kids, be safe, have fun, say no to drugs, don't do anything I wouldn't do, etc. etc.

We don't have to take our clothes off, to have a good time! Oh no!

We can dance and party all night! And drink some cherry wine! Uh huh! :)

Wooooooooo! The Worst Music Party® is upon us! It's better than that day where we pretend to celebrate the birth of Jesus, even though he was really born in July or something.

Here are some awesome videos to get you in the spirit!!!

I'm Too Sexy For My Hat! Too Sexy For My Hat - Whatchou think about that????

It's Hammer go Hammer MC Hammer go Hammer and the rest can go and play! Can't touch this!

The song that has haunted me since 7th grade -- OMG, Becky, Look at her butt!

Yo VIP, Let's Kick It!

Just get on the floor and do the New Kids dance!

And I actually really <3 this song by Rob and Fab! You know it's true!

Oh word!!!! All those horribly awesome songs and MORE -- tonight at The Hideaway!!!

Don't miss the party of the year!!!!!

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Kids in the Hall + Yo Majesty + She Wants Revenge

The original gay-not-gay boys, Kids in the Hall, are bringing their "we-really-need-to-pay-our-bills-so-we-reunited" tour to Hard Rock Live this evening and I can't figure out why I'm not going!!! I was obsessed with KITH all throughout high school, thanks to the Comedy Central reruns. I had a whole collection of VHS tapes filled with Kids and The State (hopefully I won't get sued for admitting that here) that my friends and I would watch and quote endlessly. I would love to see their live comedy on the stage: Sir Simon Milligan & Hecubus, the Chicken Lady, Rod Torfulson's Armada featuring Herman Menderchuk, I'm Crushing Your Head, a gay Buddy Cole monologue... damn, why am I not going??? Oh yeah, because THE WORST MUSIC PARTY® is tomorrow and I have a bajillion and one things to do.

Anyways, here is my absolute favorite KITH sketch with Kevin and Dave about the guy who is never wrong about anything, especially the movie Citizen Kane.

If you like all that crunk-punk-rap B-more music, then head on over to BackBooth to see Yo Majesty. Hey, if nothing else, at least you'll see boobs:

LOL! View original photo at: Kevin Collier's website

Maybe not the boobs you wanted to see, but, hey, they'll be there. Also playing are Rosetta Stoned, Mostbangin'est, Justin Scott, Miss Fit and a super secret special guest. Oooh, mysterious!

I'm not a big fan but since some people are, I will mention that She Wants Revenge is performing at the House of Blues this evening. After the show, Adam 12 (the guy without the hair in the above photo) will speed over to Firestone for a DJ set.

But tomorrow is the real meat and potatoes because it's finally time for the Worst Music Party® Volume 12!!!!!!!!

Don't even think about doing anything else!!!

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down!

I hate the term Rickrolled and, thanks to the distribution of this flyer, I have heard it about 9,865 times this week. Thanx int3rn3tz n3rdz.

Anyways, we are reaching The Final Countdown to the be-all, end-all parties of the year -- The Worst Music Party® Volume 12!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Yikes -- Rick Astely is never gonna let you down!!! BEWARE!!!)

I hope you're all ready for some dunking booth action!!!!!!!!! You'll all be Rickrolled, |\/|u†h@ƒu©k@$$$$$$$!!!!!

Scarlett Johansson does Tom Waits???!!!???!!!

Dear God, please say it ain't so.

I guess if you're hot, you can do whatever you want.

We can only hope Jessica Alba does a Bob Dylan tribute album next!!!

Tonight: Phat 'N Jazzy Presents: The Good Rub

I thought I didn't know who they were until this past Sunday when I was dining unexpectedly at hoity-toity Houston's in Winter Park. The jazz trio that was playing there consisted of a few guys I used to hang with in college: Tony and Willie from The Windham Group (on bass and drums respectively) and Harris from 11 Red Apples on piano. Turns out they are the ones who make up The Good Rub, along with another college friend Brian Mackey (aka "Slackey") on saxophone.

After this bit of information, I highly recommend seeing their new jazz collective at The Social tonight. They are all seasoned musicians who have graced the P-N-J stage in the past, improvising over BMF's DJ sets. Also playing tonight is Peter Baldwin, and resident DJs BMF and Slack.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Tonight: Solo Art Exhibit by Johannah O'Donnell

Tonight The Peacock Room will unveil their monthly art exhibit for May featuring the works of Johannah O'Donnell. Here is a bit of background information on her from Peacock's website:

Johannah O'Donnell, a Florida native, grew up in Sarasota, where she graduated from Ringling School of Art and Design. O'Donnell moved to Orlando in 1998 and has been in numerous group exhibitions in the area.

Influenced by both the American Pop Art movement and Spanish Surrealism, Johannah O'Donnell's paintings comment on beauty, consumer culture, and our relationship with the natural world.

The opening reception begins at 8 PM with music provided by Monotron, the experimental music project of artist Adriaan Mol, along with Cub.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Grandma Party + Duran Duran + The Invincilbles

Today is very special. It's one of the few days the hipsters will brave the hot Florida sun and come out during the daylight. The annual Grandma Party Bazaar will be taking place from 10 AM until sundown in the Stardust parking lot. Expect to see a lot of bicycles, cut off shorts and pale legs (yeah, I'm really one to talk). Should be fun times! Click the flyer for more details:

Duran Duran will be playing tonight at the UCF Arena. I really hope they don't play Ordinary World because that songs sucks. Here's a photo from when they were dope:

Weren't the 80's great? It was totally hot for men to look super gay! I had the biggest crush ever on post-Wham George Michael. Actually, you may see the same hairstyles featured in the photo above at the Grandma Party.

And finally, over at The Social, you'll find west coast rapper Murs joining forces with Florida punk band Whole Wheat Bread to create The Invincibles. Get there early to hear Kittybat throw down beforehand.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Another Beer Fest + Space Ace + Punk Rock

What could be better than standing in a parking lot on this hot Saturday afternoon? Wait, there's beer involved? Count me in! The The Great Orlando Beer Festival is being held today from 2 - 7 PM in the parking lot behind Firestone (42. West Concord St.)

All the KISS fanatics will be flocking to the House of Blues tonight to see the makeup-less Ace Frehley's solo performance. And although I doubt sparks will be shooting from his guitar, he's probably still a badass (his makeup is my favorite!) and the people-watching will be prime.

Punk rock kids should head over to Taste, where the Hate Bombs will be playing. Opening for them are The Dyin' Days, who wrote this awesome description of their band:

In the room where Grandma Santina kept the pictures of her dead children, there were four photos enclosed in a single frame. These were the photos of The Dyin' Days, Grandma's only son born with four heads.

Word. Click the flyer for info.

Oh, and it's flyers like this that make people think Orlando is whack. Mariah Carey's "offical" DJ??? Fuck off.

Friday, May 16, 2008

What's So Funny 'Bout Peace, Love and $300 tickets?

I am a HUGE fan of The Police and was psyched to hear about their tour last summer. That is... until I found out about the price tag accompanying the long-awaited reunion. The tickets in my price range were labeled "obstructed view" -- meaning you were sitting behind a pole in the nosebleed section -- and sold out faster than you can spell Sting. My friends were forking over the $300 for lower level (not even the floor?!?!? Jesus!) and I was pretty discouraged. I just couldn't bear to spend $300 for ONE band and ONE show. It all worked out in the end, though, when one of my favorite guys in the whole world gave me a ticket for my birthday. Hooray!!!

Long story short: I saw them and they were AMAZING. Stuart Copeland is totally the man!!! I still get goose bumps when I hear the song "Wrapped Around Your Finger," as I remember the gigantic percussion set rising from beneath the stage. Seeing him perform the multi-layered, studio-produced song live (and without missing a beat) made me think he may not even be human. His wrists look like rubber when he is playing the drums.

So, if you have any extra $300 that you can happily spend on a show, The Police are the way to go. Joining them at the Amway Arena tonight is Elvis Costello, which is a major improvement over Maroon 5 -- the opening band when I saw them. As my boss put it, "I'm spending $150 to see Elvis Costello and $150 to see The Police. That makes it a little less painful." Indeed.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Tonight: Third Thursday and Prince vs. Michael Jackson

No time to even breathe today!!! I'm this close to having the same kind of breakdown as Jessie Spano on the Saved By The Bell episode*** where she was addicted to speed. "No time! There's never any time! I don't have time to study! I'll never get into Stamford!!! It'll be okay... I just need one of these!"

I could probably do that all day, but again, I am wasting time by quoting SBTB.

*** Holy crap - I just found the Saved By The Bell episode redone by Jesus and Hitler. I <3<3<3 the internet!!!

So, anyways, tonight: Third Thursday at the City Arts Factory. I met an adorable woman named Consuelo Bellini a few weekends ago and was admiring her gorgeous necklace. It turns out she made it herself and is having an exhibit tonight from 6 to 9 at the Q Gallery to show off her jewelry. Get a sneak preview of the beautifully stunning pieces on her website.

Click the flyer for more details.

Next door to the Q Gallery is the Pound Gallery, where Patrick Fatica will also be showing off his artwork from 6 to 9. The frames on his paintings are brilliant and compliment his pieces so nicely. I just recently found out why -- he paints the frames and puts them on himself. Very nice.

While you're in that area, stop into Urban Flats downtown between 8 and 11 for a bite and listen to the deep-rooted battle between two music gods: Prince vs. Michael Jackson.

It's been done before and it will be done again, but tonight (and every Thursday) it will be done by BMF. Personally, I would like to see him change it up each week - Stevie Wonder vs. Chaka Khan? Earth, Wind and Fire vs. Heatwave? Kool and the Gang vs. The Commodores? What about a straight up Quincy Jones party??? The opportunities are endless!!! But I guess those parties would be wasted on the Urban Flats happy hour crowd, anyway.

Of course, the main thing going on in town tonight and this weekend is the Florida Music Festival but I am not going to cover it. Go to their website if you want details.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Tonight: LA Riots take over Carnival!!!

No, not those LA Riots! These LA Riots!

I caught them during the WMC this year at the club owned by Tommy Lee in Miami (PS... huge thanks to the Carnival guys for getting us past the meatheads at the door!!!). LA Riots totally killed the place and had the dance floor going off -- unfortunately Lazaro Casanova went on after them and ruined the whole thing. I have never seen anyone literally clear the dance floor at the conference, but somehow he managed to do it. AND Bloody Beetroots missed the gig because their flight was canceled or some crap. Wait, I'm getting off track -- LA Riots are awesome.

Don't take my word for it -- see for yourself tonight when the cool kids take over snooty Suite B every Wednesday for Carnival! These guys have been bringing some major talent to Orlando and I give them mad props for what they're doing for the scene. \m/

And now for some music:

The Toxic Avenger - Escape (LA Riots Remix).mp3
Justice - D.V.N.O. (LA Riots Bootleg).mp3
Heartsrevolution - Switchblade (LA Riots Remix).mp3

For a sneak preview of what you can expect tonight, here's a mix they did back in January (via Zshare).

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Upcoming: The Worst Music Party® Vol. 12

I hope you kids are ready, because I am about to start whoring *ahem* promoting The Worst Music Party® Volume 12 that is going down at The Hideaway on May 23rd. I am starting by posting the best.flyer.ever.made.ever:

Cancel your plans, hide your children and get ready because we're going to have a dunking booth this time!!! Ohhhhh worrrrrrd!!!!!!

Tonight: Phat 'N Jazzy with BMF and Q-Burns Abstract Message

What happens when two of Orlando's best DJs team up to create a new brainchild? The answer lies within tonight's episode of Phat-N-Jazzy. Here's some background info:

"From beyond the stars comes the mysterious John Bigbooty, an interstellar super-group prone to dusty vacuum tube beats and distorted hyper-melodies blasted out of hi-fidelity megaphone speakers. Delicious breakbeat buffoonery mingles with hip-hop sample catching in four outrageous studio productions bound to start a dancefloor pogo riot.

John Bigbooty is rumored to be a one-off collaboration between Eighth Dimension stalwarts Q-Burns Abstract Message and DJ BMF arising from a presumed-forgotten session of beer drinking and beat making. It's been unearthed and repackaged for widespread release and is a sure-fire winner for fans of labels like Wall Of Sound, NinjaTune, and Bastard Jazz. Lap it up."

I have to be honest: I'm a fan of both of these DJs but the name John Bigbooty is terrible. I'm not sure why, but it reminds me of a two-person horse costume.

Still, all things aside, the music should be pretty dope. In addition, tonight is also advertised as "Swamburger's Expo Tees" but I'm not really sure what that means. I'm guessing there will be t-shirts to buy. The B-Side Artists will be doing their thing, and Maria Diestro, the driving force behind local house promoters Hoochie Productions, will be celebrating her birthday.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Lol'n through Monday

I would like to start off with a huge, tremendous, COLOSSAL, MASSIVE, HUMONGOUS (look, I can use a thesaurus!!!) THANK YOU to everyone who came out to Sky60 on Saturday night!!!!!!!!!!! Muchas, muchas gracias!!!!!!

If you missed seeing Nate Day this past weekend, I have good news and bad news. First, the bad: holy bejesus, did you miss an awesome party. If there had been a roof on the club, he would have torn it off.

Now for the good news: you have one more chance to catch him before he rides off into the LA sunset. He'll be playing again tonight at Crush, along with residents Pauly Crush, Justin Scott, Miss Fit, Ge30n, and Koolbreeze.

Even more good news: you can get in for free before 11 by signing up for the Crush guest list.

Friday, May 9, 2008

Password for FREE admission to Nate Day at Sky60 this Saturday!!!

My internet access is about to be taken away, so this is my final push for Saturday night!!!

If you missed my post about how awesome Nate Day is, you should probably go back and read it.

And since Andrew Spear has already summed the night up so eloquently, I will just quote his Myspace bulletin:

"If you don't know by now, this is what you are doing Saturday...

NATE DAY is coming to Orlando this weekend to kill it with ME & MISS BECKY this SATURDAY NIGHT @ SKY60
and it's free with the password(s):

"I'm here to see DAY all night !!!"

if you don't say that, then you will have 2 pay $5.

it's up 2 u.

here's some examples,

if u have short term memory loss, then write it down.

if u r rich then u don't need the password,
then u should tell some friends that aren't as rich as u.

and most importantly, if u don't care about nate day, password(s), or have $5 you probably shouldn't b coming at all .......... cause u don't know how 2 move it, move it anyway suckah !!!!!

Saturday night-- SKY60--10PM--W-O-R-D- !!!!"

If you come out on Saturday... I mean WHEN you come out on Saturday, be sure to say hi!!! <3

Rocket 88 + Pete "The Shaker" Bones

I am moving tomorrow. Moving sucks. Since I'm in the middle of packing everything I own, this has got to be quick.

If you like Rockabilly, go to The Peacock Room. There, you will find Rocket 88 and Big Jef Special. I am guessing you will also find tattooed girls with Bettie Page bangs and guys with pompadours. Just a guess.

If you like house music, head upstairs to Sky60 to see Pete "The Shaker" Bones. It's his birthday, so things should be crazy up there. And T.A.R.D. will be venturing away from Crooked Bayou to join in the festivities.

Happy Friday!!!

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Tonight: Bonde de Role (sans Marina) + Villains + Wii Bowling + The Dude

The new (and improved?) Bonde do Role will be playing tonight at Firestone, but the real question is: will they be any good without frontwoman Marina? Without the hyper-mega-crazy lady in the group, can they still rock out like they did before?

Watch these videos of the *new* BDR performing at Coachella and judge for yourself.

I've pretty much always been on the fence with them, but I do love this Radioclit remix of 'Gasolina.'

Bonde Do Role - Gasolina (Radioclit remix).mp3

And just for fun, here's a Switch remix of Radioclit!

Radioclit - Divine Gosa (Switch Remix).mp3

Villains, the DJ/Producer group from LA who have been tearing up dance floors with their Michael Jackson (Thriller) and Daft Punk (Around the World) remixes, will also be throwing down a special DJ set after the show.

Check out their DJ and production skills below:

Bloc Party - Hunting for Witches (Villains Electro-Banger Remix).mp3

Villains - Vol 1. Mix.mp3 (via Zshare)

If big clubs playing heavy electro music aren't your scene, you may want to check out The Peacock Room instead. This evening kicks off their first Wii bowling league night, where you can get drunk and bowl without really bowling. The night is hosted by J-Rod, who has hosted past events such as Guitar Hero and Matchbox Car Races.

And since we're on the topic of bowling, I feel the need to mention that BackBooth is hosting Movie Night, where they'll be showing the Coen Brothers cult classic The Big Lebowski. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.