Dear recent Orlando transplant:

Ok, so you just moved to Orlando from New York / Philly / Chicago / San Francisco / et al. You feel lost, uprooted, misplaced -- you're starting to think Orlando might suck. Eager to find some nightlife in this town, you go to Lattitudes on Church Street, Slingapour's on Wall Street and that mega-club on Orange Avenue owned by one of those Backstreet Boys (Orlando's finest celebrities). Maybe you even think International Drive, Citywalk or Downtown Disney is where everyone hangs out in this town. Now you really think Orlando sucks.

Well, you're wrong. There is more to this city than theme park "nightlife" and crappy clubs with guys wearing shiny shirts, but you have to know where to look. Instead of complaining about how lame Orlando is compared to your city of origin, why not get out there and support your new scene -- it's a lot better than you think! After all, you moved here for a reason, right? (I'm guessing to escape the cold weather.) So you can do one of two things: either 1) move back to the city you think is sooooo much more awesome or 2) quit bitchin', check the events below and DON'T SLEEP on the shit that is happening!

Friday, February 27, 2009

Jellyfish and Other Weekend Events

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, my apologies for less-than-frequent updates as of late. My home computer has finally died a nasty death, leaving only my work computer to access the internet. And in today’s hard economic times, my jobby job is very important to me. Ok, enough woe-is-me talk – let’s get some weekend action up in this piece.

First off, we have an art installment from Doug Rhodehamel. Remember when he was collecting all those plastic bottles a few months back? Turns out he wasn’t cashing them in to pay he rent, he was creating sea creatures. Night of a Thousand Jellyfish takes place at the City Arts Factory from 7 to 11 PM with music by DJ Nigel. It’s 2 bucks or you can opt to bring a cheap bottle of wine. I know which one I’m choosing!

And over at the place you never thought would open, Will's Pub, catch The Empyres – a band consisting of ex-members of The Hatebombs, Fantasie and View-finder. Or Dave Ewing, Jeff Orlando and Aaron Zacktan if you need names to go with the faces. Special guests: The Bell Towers. $5, 10 PM.

Continuing down the 17-92 pub crawl, we have The Future on Films in Space playing at the Peacock Room. $5, 10 PM.

Househeads should stop in at Crooked Bayou this evening, where DJ Chang (best known as resident DJ at the ecstasy-filled nights of club Simon’s in Gainseville) will be the special guest. No cover, 10 PM.

Kick your Saturday off with a group art show dedicated to life in Central Florida. Altered State features work by Johannah O’Donnell, Joseph Williams, Linda Hartmann, Morgan Steele, Pam Treadwell, Patricia Coyle, Peg Martin and Tom Hope. Each artist will be showing their perspective of life in our fair city – it should be interesting to see the outcome. It’s being held at my favorite bight-orange building, Say It Loud. $5, 7 PM, soundscape by Adriaan Mol.

Also on Saturday, The Spam Allstars will be heating up The Social. The 9-pice band blends “electronic elements and turntables with Latin rhythms, funk, hip-hop and dub to create an eclectic, original sound.” Special guest: The Gerry Williams Band. $10 in advance, $12 day of show.

And finally, the last Saturday of each month marks the Dublife party at Crooked Bayou. Hosted by Jungala, No cover, $10 PM.

Have fun :)

Thursday, February 26, 2009

The Second Coming

Pauly Crush and his crew have been trying for awhile to resurrect the once-lively Thursday night party and it looks like they may have finally succeeded. Tonight is the grand debut of J.E.S.U.S., the new weekly party that will replace the old Saturday Thursday at Firestone. Headlining this evening are Kid Sister and Flosstradamus – I guess the kids aren’t sick of them yet. The big question: can they turn the hip-hop haven of whack-attack Club ICON into the banging electro trash scene they crave? God only knows.

Sign up for the guestlist and get in free before 11.

Upcoming up @ J.E.S.U.S.
March 5th - Diplo
March 12th - Klever and A.C. Slater
March - Tba (They’re French)
March 26th - Calvin Harris and Gizmos
April 30 - Steve Aoki

Monday, February 9, 2009

Have a Non-Sucky Valentine's Day

Where will you be this Valentine’s Day? Will you be fighting with your significant other because he/she has a different view of the day than you? Will you be drinking heavily to numb the lonely self-loathing that can only be induced by holidays invented by evil greeting card companies? Either way, you should be at Crooked Bayou this Saturday night for the Kiss ‘N Makeup party. Spear, MOT and I will even be decked out in Kiss makeup for the occasion. How often do you get to see DJs in Kiss makeup? Not often enough.

Word to your mother.