Dear recent Orlando transplant:

Ok, so you just moved to Orlando from New York / Philly / Chicago / San Francisco / et al. You feel lost, uprooted, misplaced -- you're starting to think Orlando might suck. Eager to find some nightlife in this town, you go to Lattitudes on Church Street, Slingapour's on Wall Street and that mega-club on Orange Avenue owned by one of those Backstreet Boys (Orlando's finest celebrities). Maybe you even think International Drive, Citywalk or Downtown Disney is where everyone hangs out in this town. Now you really think Orlando sucks.

Well, you're wrong. There is more to this city than theme park "nightlife" and crappy clubs with guys wearing shiny shirts, but you have to know where to look. Instead of complaining about how lame Orlando is compared to your city of origin, why not get out there and support your new scene -- it's a lot better than you think! After all, you moved here for a reason, right? (I'm guessing to escape the cold weather.) So you can do one of two things: either 1) move back to the city you think is sooooo much more awesome or 2) quit bitchin', check the events below and DON'T SLEEP on the shit that is happening!

Friday, August 29, 2008

The King's Bday + Organic Oil Wrestling + Pumpkin Beer + Designer Drugs

Today is a very important day in the world of pop culture because the king himself has turned 50. Although I prefer to remember him in his pre-surgery heyday of late 20's to early 30's, the day should still be given its due credit. In celebration of his birthday, and another regular club patron (also conveniently named Mike), the password for Get Mental this evening is Hey, Mikey! He Likes It. I'm hoping last week's effects of Fay haven't turned Sky60 into a swimming pool but I guess we’ll have to see.

Michael Jackson - Rock With You (Daft Punk White Label Mix).mp3

Saturday night is the best hybrid of sexual exploitation and the ever-popular "going green" trend I have ever witnessed: hot chicks wrestling in organic oil. Ummm... yeah. At least it's for a good cause. The event starts at 9PM at the Orlando Brewing Company and is hosted by the ladies of The Girls Gone Green Radio Show. Guys, there's a price to pay for hot chick organic oil wrestling, of course: you'll have to fork over $10 in advance or $15 day of. Ladies wanting to support Mother Earth can also register to wrestle by emailing your info and photo (duh, no fatties!) to

On Sunday, kiss the summer goodbye and say hello to autumn with your first taste of Shipyard Pumpkinhead Ale. Although the weather will still be a million degrees and the leaves won't change, Crooked Bayou is hosting a Pumpkinhead Release Party at 9PM. Local bands Bughead, Mumpsy and
The Little Debbies will be on hand, along with DJ Tard, and every Pumpkinhead you buy will enter you for prize giveaways. The five bucks you pay at the door will also get you one free beer -- pretty much an even trade, if you ask me. $3 drafts and PumpkinBomb specials all night. Mmmmmmmmmm.... PumpkinBombs.... mmmmmmm.....

Finish up your weekend proper by getting wasted Monday night at Crush, where special guests will be the heavily-hyped electro outfit, Designer Drugs. Sign up early for the guestlist because I wouldn't doubt they'll be hitting capacity. Shit will be especially bananas, Labor Day-style, so you'll probably want to blow off work on Tuesday.

Flou - Les Gens Pour Ce Qu'ils Sont (Designer Drugs Remix).mp3

Have an awesome day of Labor!!!

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Pop Off

All right there, kiddos. The third installment of the (de)famed Pop Off party is taking place tonight at The Social. Get there early for free beer.

I'm ripping a Myspace post from the lovely Katie of Etoile Boutique, who also has some disco-unts for you participators:

POP OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is a no-brainer. Drink free for the first hour, drink cheap after that, and dance your pants off to the best DJs in Orlando. Plus it's a change of scenery. The last two were so much fun that you can't afford to miss this one. VJ Jay will be bringing his usual awesome visuals to the stage, and Etoile will again be selling all kinds of cool vintage.

AND.. if I can add something to Tyson's post, lemme just say this...
It starts later this time, so get down there at 10:30 for christs sake! FREE F_ING DRINKS for the 1st hour!! Who can argue with that?

That said, ETOILE BOUTIQUE will not only be unveiling a grip of new insane vintage and handmade that night...AND if you are good and come during the first hour, I will reward you with a 15% DISCOUNT on any one item you buy that night, and a $10.00 OFF COUPON for the next time you visit the storefront! It don't get much better than that, my friends.

So after you watch my man, Obama, make history (the anniversary of the I Have a Dream speech??? Seriously??? Fuck.) and the sunshine of my life, Stevie Wonder, sing his heart out, go celebrate a the beginning of a new era with the crazy Rocksteady Soundsystem.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

What... is your name?

What... is your quest?

What... is your favorite color?

These questions and more will be answered tonight at Redlight Redlight, who will be hosting their Monday Movie Night with the best Brits since The Beatles, Monty Python. Learn The Meaning of Life before embarking on a quest for the Holy Grail. Grab an imperial pint of Monty Python's Holy Ail for $3 all night long.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Krames and Carnival: Installment No. 3

Today I woke up crampy, bloated, menstrual and bitchy. My arthritic knee pounding thanks to the ridiculous humidity from Fay. I was tired before getting out of bed.

Nevertheless tonight i will be out on the town for the third appearance of NY based Krames at (what rumors have it will be the last) Carnival. And if I can make it, you sure as hell can too.

His last two appearances at Orlando's Wednesday night weekly were arguably two of the best nights for the ongoing event, and this third appearance is most likely going to fall right in with the rest. Residents Hall Call, Keyth Conversion and crew will be there to start the party at 10 and rock the house as usual.

So, shake off the dust, ring out the water from your v-neck t-shirt and come out to party with those irreverent carnies. Its bound to be one hell of a party.

Daft Punk- What more time- Krames remix

More photos by Kcoll Tonight!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Hunker Down

From World Wide Words:

"The Oxford English Dictionary has a fine description of how to hunker: 'squat, with the haunches, knees, and ankles acutely bent, so as to bring the hams near the heels, and throw the whole weight upon the fore part of the feet.' The advantage of this position is that you're not only crouched close to the ground, so presenting a small target for whatever the universe chooses to throw at you, but you're also ready to move at a moment's notice."

If you're brave enough to face the wrath of Fay this evening, you (might) have some options. C. U. Next. Tuesday at Matador:

And word of mouth has it that Crooked Bayou is hosting a new Tuesday night hair metal party called... wait for it... Steel Vagina. Wow. They have assured their loyal patrons that they will be open tonight because they aren't afraid of a stupid li'l tropical storm.

PS... Stone Temple Pilots have canceled. Bummer.

Rock on, brave kids!

Monday, August 18, 2008

Crush Celebrates 4 Years of Partying.

(click for full size flyer)

Every Monday night, there is a group of die-hard, ready-for-the-party kind of kids that gather at backbooth for One of Orlando's longest running weeklies, CRUSH. Its surprising that in a town occupied primarily by transients and tourists, a party like crush would've managed to survive. But perhaps the best summation of its success comes from the man behind it all, Pauly Crush:
CRUSH is special. It's a Monday night in a city whose nightlife is as fickle as its weather. How has it lasted? Why are we still here? It's because of you. It's because the people that come to CRUSH love what we do and they guide us towards becoming better DJs, more informed musicians, and unintrusive marketers. It's because our friends and fans work as hard as we do to make sure every night goes off. It's because our party is not a business. It's a party.
Now, "1,040 Hours of Partying, 2,088 Tracks First Heard at Crush, and 208 Free Kegs Later,
(but still the same F*ckin President)" Crush celebrates its 4th anniversary, which is one hell of a feat.

So come out and celebrate with Pauly, Miss Fit, Justin Scott and E.Strange and all the regulars, the occasional visitors and the new faces, as they welcome the fifth year of the party's existence. Join us in pretending that It's Friday, drinking way too much for a Monday, and waking up on Tuesday feeling like hell. I'll be there, and here's a visual clue to help you find me:Doors open at 10pm but get on the Guest List and get in Free before 11. 18+ welcome. $3 After Midnight. Photos by Kcoll and Kapoow

Friday, August 15, 2008


Busy, busy, busy. I'm busy -- you're busy -- we're busy -- this weekend is super busy. You'll probably have to clone yourself at some point to keep up. Due to all this busy-ness, I don't have much time to add a heavy dose of my usual witty commentary. I'll do my best, though.

First up, tonight. Don't go see Jeff Foxworthy or you're an idiot. If you're going to do something semi-embarrassing, go see Extreme at the House of Blues. Admit it -- you loved "More Than Words" and "Hole Hearted" back in the day. Dear Nuno Bettencourt, I would have 10,000 of your babies. <3 Becky.

Playing at The Social is Japanese cover band for The Beatles, The Silver Beats. Here's their awesomely Engrish description: "Of note here is Eric, who is a dead ringer of John Lennon, not only for his appearance, but for his movements and voice. One feels the ghost of John on stage when Eric sings. As an anecdote, Tadaaki sang "Yesterday" for more times than Sir Paul!?"

Over at Crooked Bayou, they'll be welcoming Mala all the way from the UK. More info on the flyer.

Hoochie Productions is hosting a party tonight at The Peacock Room with Jevne. Also more info on the flyer.

Get Mental is in full effect at Sky60 with Spear and MOT. Password tonight is Blah, blah, blah, mental.

On to Saturday. The newly coined Milk District is hosting a super-dope BBQ in the parking lot for Covert, Beta and Etoile Boutique. The best DJs in town -- Kittybat, Diddles, MOT, Spear -- will be on hand for your listening pleasure and mad sales will be going on at all three stores.

Taste is having a fundraiser for local animal rescues in the form of a Zombie Trailer Park Car Wash. Say what??? There will be bands also - check the flyer.

Tomorrow night at the City Arts Factory is Spoiler Alert, an art show featuring Bask, Tes One, Parskid and Steakmtn. Awesome DJs too! More info on the flyer.

Phew. Plenty going on in our sleepy li'l town, eh? Hope to see you out, kids!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Andy!!! You Goonie!!!

Tonight Winter Park's Central Park is showing one of the most influential 80's movies of all time: The Goonies. Obsession does not even begin to describe how I felt about this movie when I was kid. Who would have known an awesomely bad movie exploiting every child's treasure-hunting fantasy could coin a term like "Truffle Shuffle?" Ah the memories: Chester Copperpot, One-Eyed Willie (phallic symbol much?), The Fratellis and, of course, Mr. "Hey You Guys" himself, Sloth. Baby Ruths will never be the same.

The show is free and starts at 8PM. And, the best part about movies in the park is that you can bring your own wine (you're probably supposed to keep that on the low, of course and don't forget a wine opener. I learned the hard way). You'll need a few bottles too -- Goonies isn't as fantastic as it was when you were ten.

Ghost Tours and Tourist Traps

Sometimes the nightclub isn't exactly what you want to do. Occasionally, when the mood strikes, you want to go camping in the woods, hiking along a walking path or something equally as random. That's the great thing about Florida, we have an amazing array of strange things to do.

So, if you've still got your panties all in a bunch over that whole Firestone fiasco that took place a couple of months ago, and refuse to go there for whatever reason. Or maybe you went out Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and just want something a little different to do.

Tonight, The Kissimmee City Center invites you to step into the world of the unknown with their Ghost & History Tour for a hair-raising ninety-minute walking tour into the spirit realm of Kissimmee. Hear the tales of murder, mayhem and mystery.

$9 - $19 will get you in and Reservations are Required and can be made by calling 321-251-5204.

And then, if you're still feeling spry, you can always hit the downtown Disney clubs and theaters, get drunk enough and actually end up at Firestone.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Please Respect Our Decadence

To hold in esteem or honor

Unrestrained or excessive self-indulgence

What happens when experimental music project Monotron joins forces with the eclectically creative mind of mixmaster Cub? I'm not quite sure, but you better hold the unrestrained or excessive self-indulgence in esteem or honor.

Please Respect Our Decadence will be demonstrating their talents tonight at The Peacock Room. Imagine Moogs + Synths + Basslines + Beats + Old Movie Soundtracks = excellence in noise and sound. That, and the last time these two played together, Tigger costumes were involved. I'm just sayin'.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Let It Be (Sharps)

If my Hot Pink Dolorean could travel through time, I would visit London on January 30, 1969 and camp out in front of headquarters for the Apple record label. I would stare at the roof and wait with growing anticipation, while everyone looked at me like I was insane. (Plus, I'd be wearing either a puffy vest that someone would mistake as a life jacket or a bright yellow radiation suit to make me look like an alien. Those crazy future fashions!!! Wait, I'm losing my train of thought). But I wouldn't be a nutjob, oh no. I would just be waiting for what would be the final live performance of the Fab Four. Maybe I'd even bring some new school amplifiers or high-quality digital recording devices to enhance the moment.

But until the flux capacitor is invented (let's get on that, people) this is only a pipe dream. The best we can do is gather at the Drunken Monkey tonight to view the Rooftop Concert as part of their August Beatlemania Movie Nights (I just made that up, by the way. It's not called that at all).

And reason number 8,566,981 why The Simpsons is the greatest show of all time: The Be Sharps final rooftop performance.

Photos from the 8.08.08 DJ Blowout

Oh snap. This weekend was a blast ... I think. I don't really remember, actually. Maybe it was the bottle of Jaeger that MOT was passing around. Maybe the Indian headdress-wearing DJ cast some magical incantation on me. I do remember the music being awesome and a guy even got kicked out for saying it sucked (Metal Rob is my hero). Luckily, Kcoll was on hand to document the night and fill in the vodka-induced blanks:

And here's where I get confused... I have no idea why we were flicking off the ground. This must have been late.

See the rest of the photos on Kcoll's blog.

Thursday, August 7, 2008


So the big day is upon us: 08/08/08. The Olympics will start. Worlds will collide. And this week's edition of Get Mental at Sky60 will go the fuck off.

In case you haven't heard by now, there's a party on the roof starring Mr. Nate Day, the bestest, most awesomest DJ ever from the City of Angels. If you missed him last time, you better figure out a way to be there.

And wait -- it's also the bestest, most awesomest artist on the planet's birthday blowout. Yes, that would be Mr. Andrew Spear, who will be the big three-five (ouch). He'll probably be pretty drunk, to say the least.

The password this week comes in limited edition form, since only the first 50 people who use it will get in. Get there early, kids!!! If you're one of the chosen few, the phrase "Spearlife, still alive at 35 !!!" will get you in free!

This is THE party of the summer so don't want to miss out. In case you still need convincing, check out some past mixes from Nate Day and we'll see you there!

PS... it was even featured in the Orlando Weekly AND on Metromix Orlando this week. You have no more excuses, people!!!

Melanie Adds: Hey! I wrote that (in the weekly) and OMFG. Tonight will be amazing.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Grits n' Gravy + Nate Day

Are you upset at Becky because youre not 21 yet and can't get into the Peacock Room for Cub and Nigel? Well, don't go beatin her up just yet, cuz I've got you covered.

After your fromp at the Drunken Monkey, you wont be far from I bar, which every Tuesday nights gives you just about all the old soul, funk and rock and roll that your little tushy can handle. Its free for 21+ (hey, I dont make the rules) but only $3 for the little ones. Drink specials include $1 PBRs if you get there early.

And tomorow, head out to Carnival at Suite B, get a sneak peak at This Friday's insanity. The Carnival boy's are slacking on promotion, but the night will give you a good idea of what to expect at Get Mental. Or maybe not, since Day is about as unpredictable as Mot and Spear and all the other DJ's free-for-alling on fri.

Blue Meanies + Cub and Nigel

Take lots of drugs and head over to the Drunken Monkey Coffee Bar for their Tuesday music movie night: tonight, they'll be featuring the creepiest Beatles movie (AND worst song) ever: Yellow Submarine. Yes, Magical Mystery Tour was also pretty weird... but don't worry, they're showing that one on August 26th.

After the movie, head over to The Peacock Room where my boys Cub and Nigel will be bringing the funk. Not even an achilles tendon injury could stop them!!!! Check out their movie to promote the night:

Monday, August 4, 2008

Commies + AK1200

What better way to kick off your week than by watching awesomely bad 80's movies about communism while drinking beer? Redlight Redlight is hosting a Cold War movie night to help us reminisce the days before color-coded homeland security charts and terror threats.

Beginning at 5pm, they'll start off light with Spies Like Us; pick it up a little with some early computer hacking and potential global thermo-nuclear war with War Games; and, as a grand finale, all the communists in the world invade with Red Dawn. Karl Marx would be proud.

Drum n bass junkies should join the Torque crew over at Crooked Bayou tonight for the Autopsy CD release party featuring Orlando's own AK1200.

Happy Monday!

Friday, August 1, 2008

This Weekend: Mental Patients, Cheesy Wrestlers and Tennis Skirts

It's been awhile, eh? There has been some behind the scenes drama in my life that I'll condense into the Reader's Digest version. My company offered me a job in NYC and I accepted. I got really excited, told everyone I was moving and the job fell through. Luckily, I was offered the equivalent of my dream job down here, so it all worked out in the end. But I feel like I've been on a roller coaster the past few weeks, which explains the lack of posts. I even had one all ready to go last weekend, with this photo and everything:

Yep, Screech was doing stand-up comedy in town last weekend and I didn't get the chance to post about it. Shame on me!!! Anyways, I'm back with your weekend happenings and I'll do my best to keep everything updated from now on.

Get Mental is going down at Sky60 this evening, as it does every Friday. MOT and Spear have been killing it lately and are turning the crowd into crazy cabana-climbers: a nice change from the hoity toity atmosphere that sometimes accompanies the place.

Password for free admission tonight is: I hear voices in my head.

Over at The Peacock Room, the Mexican wrestlers are holding their monthly party Club Queso. Along with residents Q-Burns Abstract Message and Atnarko, the mayhem tonight will also be provided by special guest DJ, Three. The first 50 earlybirds will receive a free mix cd.

Saturday night, suit up in your best tennis outfit (sweatbands and all), grab your racquet and head to The Peacock Room. 4Play is -- you guessed it -- a tennis-themed party where tennis attire is encouraged. How many times can I write tennis in one paragraph? Tennis, tennis, tennis. Sleazy McQueen, MOT and Spear will be serving up (get it???) the music. The score is fifteen-love. I have no idea what that means. Maybe I should quit while I'm ahead. Tennis.

Finally, I would like to wish a wonderful super happy awesome birthday to my best friend Ami(Lou)!!!!!! Love you, sweetness!!!

Have an awesome weekend, kids!!!